The Left

The Left: Necessitous Opportunities

By David Glenn Cox The economy shows improvement in Northeast Ohio. But, I’ve learned from my travels and travails that whatever is happening on my side of town, doesn’t necessarily mean there’s any improvement on your side of town or even, three exits down the interstate. I do find it a strange coincidence, the improvement […]

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The Right

The Right: The GOP’s Teachable Moment for Women, Minorities

By Brian Lonergan Post-midterm autopsies are being conducted on failed Democratic campaigns around the country, and the causes of death are no mystery: the lockstep voting record with Barack Obama, the debacle of Obamacare, and the general sense that the country is on the wrong track with the current leadership are the most cited reasons. […]

Short and To the Point…

  • Try to find expiration dates on food products-----Its like a hunt for buried treasure!!!!

  • Sec. of Defense Hagel hands in resignation-----He didn't stay long!!!!

  • Another Libya report Sen Graham labels it "Bull Crap"

  • Large amount of lost e-mails of IRS found!!!!!! very interesting

  • Social Security cost of living increase less than 2%------- Make no sense!!!!

POP/BOOM GOES THE CULTURE!

boomer humor

Jerry Seinfeld has created a spinoff to his WEB hit, “Comedians in Cars” called “Dead Comedians In Cars.” In the pilot episode, he rents out a hearse and picks up Joan Rivers’ corpse. When told that this show might be in even worst taste than his “The Marriage Ref” show, Jerry balked, “Yadda-yadda. What’s the big deal? So I’m giving Joan’s body a lift. It’s not like it’s the first lift her body or face ever had. On my second show, I pick up George Carlin. Watch as he does his new routine ‘Seven Words I Can Never Say on Television—or anywhere else.’ Hey. If this dead comedian shtick works out, I’ll do another show called ‘Comedians with Dead Careers’ starring Michael Richards.”

Hooker Shacarye Tims allegedly went with an Australian CEO back to his Holiday Inn room in New York City, got him to take off his Rolex watch then tried to leave the hotel with it while he was searching for it. She was arrested by a female cop after she saw Tims pull the watch “out of her vaginal cavity and hand it to me.” Shacarye apologized; noting, “I couldn’t help it. It was my time of the month.” It seems that this act of larceny runs in the Tims family. In 1975, Shacarye’s Mom, Timexia, was on Amity Island, a resort town off the coast of Massachusetts. The local police chief, Martin Brody, apprehended her trying to steal a timepiece in a hotel lobby. Because the small island didn’t have a gynecologist, he called in a marine biologist, a Richard Dreyfus-look-a-like named Matt Hooper who pulled out of Timexia two license plates, a car battery, plastic doll parts and the timepiece—the hotel’s grandfather clock. When Mr. Hooper asked Brody where will they store all of Timexia’s ill-gotten goods, Brody replied, “I think we’re going to need a bigger ho.”

Toys R Us has announced it’s pulling all “Breaking Bad” toys from its stores after more than 8,500 people signed an online petition calling for their removal. Sadly, the Walter White figure was causing major problems to those who had earlier bought the doll. When the Walter White doll noticed other dolls’ isolated houses, he bought one of them and made a toy-meth lab; only for the lab to cause a bathroom floor on the second floor to melt and crash on a doll named Ken’s head. To remove the White doll from their house, doll-buyers purchased the Honey-Boo-Boo family collection and put the white-trash family next to the White’s house; causing Walter to immediately vacate the premises—only for him to be followed by the DEA agent Hank doll. Walter then used one of the doll’s accessories: a plastic surgeon’s tools. With the help of the Jesse Pinkman doll, he operated and changed his own face but was immediately recognized as Rene Zellweger’s old face. When a string is pulled in his back, the Walter White doll cracks, “Hi. I’m Rene. I once looked like I had sore eyes—now I’m a sight for sore eyes.”

Jerry Lewis has announced “no more will I call children with Muscular Dystrophy Jerry’s Kids. My new kids are the ones with Ebola. And this Labor Day, I’m doing a telethon for them! For research, I went to Monrovia, Liberia and into a house filled with a family stricken with this deadly disease. It was wonderful! Even though everyone was staggering around, the father was this ever-smiling fella who lost an eye to the disease but could really sing and dance. Then a wave of sadness washed over my slicked back hair. I thought, hmm, a bunch of nice black mensches staggering around, an one-eyed guy eye who could sing and dance—It brought me back to Sammy Davis’ New Year’s Eve Party in 1966!”

There are more details about that team of Dallas, Texas doctors who desperately tried to save Ebola victim Thomas Eric Duncan. In an effort to keep his team safe from the deadly virus, lead doctor, Dr. Lee Harry Oswaldo, an ex-Marine, announced that he is an expert shot when giving a shot. He took a hypodermic needle filled of an experimental vaccine called “Zmapp,” placed it in a Carcano Model 91/38 carbine rifle and went to the third floor of a medical book depository in Dealy Square. He placed Mr. Duncan on an open air bed which rested on a grassy knoll and shot the needle, only for the needle to splinter and also land into a spectator sitting in an open air convertible, who happened to be Governor Rick Perry. The experiment did not prevent Mr. Duncan’s death, but gave birth to the “single needle theory.”

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Vitamin B12

A Vitamin that may be a good idea to consider supplementing: Vitamin B12 By Sahar Safavi Vitamin B12, or cobalamin (koh-bal-uh-min) deficiency occurs in greater than 20% of people over the age of 65.   Clinical symptoms may be subtle which is why B12 deficiency can be unrecognized.  What is the significance of Vitamin B12 and why is it important for […]

Product Review for Estroven

By Tammy Ruggles Belinda is a healthy 45-year-old, but has recently divulged to her good friend Margaret that she doesn’t feel as well as she used to, and is experiencing things she’s never experienced before—forgetfulness, weight gain, fatigue, and irritability. “It’s probably menopause,” Margaret said. “Aren’t I a little young for that?” Belinda asked. “I still have a period.” “Well, […]

POP/BOOM GOES THE CULTURE!

Wal-Mart’s online store used “Fat Girl” as a subcategory for Halloween costumes designed for plus-sized women. Along with the “Fat Girl” costume, buyers got a special Halloween bag, which Wal-Mart calls “A Doggie Bag” and directions on what each Fat Girl costume wearer should say after they knock on a door on Halloween night, “Trick or Treat—huh, are you gonna […]

What do I need to know about colonoscopies?

  By Hima Atluri, Medical Student As people reach the age of 50, one of the questions they will get asked by their doctor is “would you like a colonoscopy?” A colonoscopy is not the most pleasant thought to cross anyone’s mind. What exactly is a colonoscopy and why is it necessary? First, a little background on colon cancer – […]